Keeping your frequency up while healing and releasing yourself from past trauma.
Starting off; I want to tell y’all a little story about me and what I’m going through at this moment. I’m awakening and, don’t get me wrong this is the most wholesome and amazing experience I’ve ever been through.
To some, it might seem odd, but to me, it’s like I’m finally home. Finally I feel attracted to something and want to keep learning about something. I’ve always felt like an outsider in this human-world as we know it, and now I figured out I’ve just been looking in the wrong places, talking to the wrong people. There are so many people like me, who accept me completely for who I am, who even prefer who I truly am.
‘’I am so fucking grateful for everything and everyone I have already found on this path and I am so fucking grateful for what’s to come.’’
Yet,
I have neglected myself for a little bit to be honest. And that is not because of the spiritual community, no, there are spiritual laws I didn’t know about. There are a lot of things I already have been able to let go of, relationships, trauma’s etc.
Unfortunately, some relationships and trauma’s I haven’t let go of, it takes time. I am so obsessed with learning more about manifestation and being in a higher frequency, that I forgot there is some shit I still need to work on and let go of.
Firstly, I have contacted my parents again -just putting it out there-. It’s not that I failed, no. I was just so high up in the sky, looking through these pink glasses and romanticizing my past and my parents (which we as humans tend to do). Without even thinking about it I had already typed my mother’s number and called. Long story short- My parents did not want to speak to me anymore. And it hurts.
Yet, I didn’t see it as something negative, I see it as an opportunity. The universe is working in my favor and even though I might not like it, this is needed for me to get to where I need to be.
‘’There is paranoia, in which you believe everything is working against you. And there is pronoia, in which you believe everything is working for you. Whatever you choose to believe, is true.’’
I also know now that I need to work on some shit, even though I’m going through this new beautiful journey, there is still some shit that I need to let go of and release, not just by ignoring it like it never happened. Within the call with my parents (and after), my thoughts went into a fucking low-frequency spiral. I’m not going to get into it too much, but I remember feeling a lot of doubt in myself after the call. ‘’Am I not a good person?’’ was one of my thoughts. It kept me busy for 2 whole days. It made me so mad at my parents, then I realized again: ‘’Fuck. I AM doing this!!’’ I’m manifesting negativity in my brain again which makes me feel bad about myself again and it’s not ‘because of them’ who didn’t want to speak to me, I was thinking this.
Now the second thing I put myself through was: ‘If I’m manifesting everything I go through? How the fuck do I heal from shit? Again and again, my frequency will sometimes get low if I face the past to eventually let it go… Do I just ignore it? That hasn’t worked for me. What the fuck do I do? How will I get this right?’
I didn’t know what to do anymore and I prayed to the Universe and God and tried to manifest that I would figure it out even though it seemed so far away and felt I’d never get it right. The next day Rich Lopp, -my teacher- said something in a video which is now really helping me:
‘’I know a lot of people on the internet are pretending to be floating on a high-frequency cloud 24/7, that’s bullshit. We’re all fucking humans, I’m not expecting you to be glowing and floating on a cloud 24/7. This is planet earth, we’re all fucking humans.’’
What he also said was: ‘Monitor your vibration.’
Immediately I understood. Yes, I’m a fucking human and I question myself when some shit happens or I get pissed at my surroundings when some shit happens. Now, when I notice this I should take a step back and realize: ‘Okay, my vibe sucks right now, what do I do to change it?’ Because when my vibe sucks, I attract that same energy to come to me. So it is my responsibility to fix that.
Even so, it is not the end of the fucking world when my frequency gets low for a second or a minute. I can feel low for a bit and I’m also allowed to feel shitty for a bit, but I shouldn’t let it consume me. I am the one who has the power here and so are you. That is something we should always remember. Some things you could ask yourself when you feel like you’re in a low-frequency:
‘Where does it come from?’ (important is looking inside with this question, stop pointing fingers and look inside, because it comes from within you, not from anyone or anything around you).
‘What can I do to change my energy?’ or ‘What do I need right now to change my energy?’ You have all the answers within yourself.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself for having a low-vibration, you’re human, I’m human. We all make mistakes. Now, the next step is; how do you handle these mistakes? Do you stay in a low-vibrational state? Or do you choose to get out of it? It is a decision you make and how do you do it? Ask yourself. <3
That’s probably not what you wanted to hear, yet it is the truth. All the answers lie within yourself and all the problems you have are manifested by yourself.
‘You are the person you’ve been looking for your whole life.’
Every person is unique, so really, I can not tell you what to do to feel better or be better. I can only explain to you how I did it and you can take from it what you feel is right for you and turn within yourself to ask yourself what you need to do.
The third thing I put myself through these past couple of weeks is neglecting my house. I’ve just moved to a new house and I didn’t have any furniture except for my bed and a beautiful vintage chair I already had. I didn’t even have curtains, I just put some window stickers on my windows so no one could look inside. The reason I did this was: ‘I already got the house!?!? Did I really deserve more to put in there?’
On the other hand, I focused so much on manifesting and visualizing and making youtube videos and writing my blog, that I totally forgot to fucking let go and get back to my daily life. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, because I finally found a hobby I looove to do and I’m also helping people through my hobby, which makes me so fucking happy. So it was also good to be caught up in something that makes me happy, but when I’m finished in the library to write I should have a home to get back to.
Another thing which made this ‘complicated’ for me was that I’ve moved so much in my life that it didn’t occur to me to settle for a while in this house, ‘because eventually I would have to move again’ (thoughts). Even so, I have to make a home for myself, which I am working on right now. I do have curtains now, don’t worry.
The reason I’m sharing this with y’all is because I want to show you that healing is not fucking linear. A lot of people will tell you that, but will not show you the shit they go through and the things behind the scenes that happen. Life is fucking hard sometimes and sometimes you fall back into old patterns, which doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means you need to learn some shit. I used to be really harsh on myself for falling back into old patterns, but I’ve learned that being harsh on myself for that is also an old pattern. It’s okay to fall back sometimes, yet you do have to get yourself back up again.
‘’When we know where shit comes from we can let it go and learn from it and move on. We have to look at our past to learn from it, to not make the same mistakes again, how hard it may be. We have to keep climbing, because on top of that mountain there is something we’ve never seen and experienced before. And I promise you, it’s fucking worth it.’’
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